精学妙用 | 令人烦恼的“中等朋友”
The Vexing Problem of the ‘Medium Friend’
“普通朋友”的棘手问题
Most of us maintain an informal mental inventory of our friendships, sorting those closest to us, our intimates, from our acquaintances. My friend R. once went a step further. He ranked his friends on a document on his computer.
我们大多数人都会在心里对朋友进行一种非正式的分类，把最亲密的朋友，也就是知己，和一般的熟人区分开来。我的朋友R曾经更进一步，他在电脑上做了一个文档，把朋友们按亲密度排了名。
Vexing Problem 中文解释：棘手的问题，难以解决且令人困扰的问题。 英文解释：A problem that is difficult to solve or causes great annoyance or frustration. 例句：The vexing problem of maintaining a healthy work-life balance continues to plague many professionals. 维持健康的工作与生活平衡这一棘手问题继续困扰着许多专业人士。 同义词：troublesome, perplexing, difficult, challenging
Intimates 中文解释：亲密的朋友或伴侣，指那些与你有深厚感情联系和高度信任的人。 英文解释：Close friends or companions with whom one shares a deep emotional bond and trust. 例句：During difficult times, she relies heavily on her intimates for support and comfort. 在困难时期，她非常依赖亲密的朋友来获得支持和安慰。 同义词：close confidants, dear friends, loved ones, trusted companions
As a younger man, R. found himself dissatisfied with his social life, which kept him busy yet unfulfilled, and he built his friend hierarchy to diagnose why.He found that he had a small group of first-tier friends, with whom he was happy to spend time under any circumstances. And he had a huge number of acquaintances.But the friends who caused him the most strife – as well as the most inner turmoil, yearning, anxiety and guilt – were those arrayed along the middle levels. Call them the “medium friends.”
年轻时，R对自己的社交生活感到不满，尽管这种生活让他忙碌，但却没有带来满足感。于是，他建立了一个朋友等级体系，试图找出原因。他发现自己有一小群顶级朋友，无论在什么情况下，和他们在一起都很愉快。同时，他也有大量的熟人。不过，真正给他带来最多冲突，以及内心最强烈的渴望、焦虑和内疚感的，是那些处在中间层次的朋友，可以称他们为‘普通朋友’。
Dissatisfied 中文解释：不满意的，不满足的 英文解释：Feeling unhappy or discontented with a situation, relationship, or experience. 例句：She was dissatisfied with her job and decided to look for a new one. 她对自己的工作不满意，决定找一份新的。 同义词：unhappy, discontent, unfulfilled, displeased
Busy Yet Unfulfilled 中文解释：忙碌却未得到满足 英文解释：Being occupied with activities but not finding satisfaction or fulfillment in them. 例句：Despite his busy schedule, he felt unfulfilled and empty inside. 尽管他的日程安排得很满，但他内心却感到空虚和不满足。 同义词：occupied but unsatisfied, engaged yet unrewarding, hectic without contentment
Diagnose 中文解释：诊断，查明原因 英文解释：To identify the cause or nature of a problem or illness through examination and analysis. 例句：The doctor diagnosed the patient with a common cold. 医生诊断病人患了普通感冒。 同义词：analyze, ascertain, determine, identify (the cause/problem)
Inner Turmoil 中文解释：内心纷扰，内心混乱 英文解释：A state of emotional or mental unrest or confusion within oneself. 例句：The news of her divorce caused her immense inner turmoil. 她离婚的消息给她带来了巨大的内心纷扰。 同义词：mental turmoil, emotional chaos, internal conflict, psychic disturbance
R. shared about a friend from college who they grew apart from in their 30s, without a specific reason. When this friend sought support during addiction recovery, R. felt burdened and struggled with how to respond appropriately given the changed nature of their friendship. He didn’t take immediate action and felt guilty about it.
R. 分享了一个大学朋友的故事，他们在三十多岁时逐渐疏远，但没有特别的原因。当这位朋友在戒毒康复期间寻求支持时，R. 感到非常有压力，并因为友情的变化而不知如何恰当地回应。他没有立即采取行动，因此感到内疚。
Addiction Recovery 中文解释：戒毒康复 英文解释：The process of overcoming an addiction to a substance or behavior, involving therapeutic measures and support to regain control and lead a healthier life. 例句：After years of struggle, she embarked on an addiction recovery journey to regain her life and find peace. 经过多年的挣扎，她踏上了戒毒康复的旅程，以重新找回自己的生活并寻求内心的平静。 同义词：substance abuse treatment, rehabilitation, recovery program, detoxification process
Guilty 中文解释：指因做错事或未履行责任而感到内疚或悔恨。 英文解释：A feeling of remorse or responsibility for having done something wrong, often accompanied by a sense of shame or the desire to make amends. It’s a moral or emotional state that acknowledges a personal failing. 例句：Despite not intending harm, he couldn’t shake off the feeling of guilt for not being there for his friend during her time of need. 尽管他并无恶意，但他仍无法摆脱因在朋友需要时未能陪伴在她身边而感到的内疚感。 同义词：remorseful, culpable, conscience-stricken, ashamed, penitent
Emily Langan, a professor at Wheaton College, explains that with “medium friends,” we may feel reluctant to fully invest but still appreciate their connections. These friends share history, circumstances, or interests, bringing laughter, news, and insights. However, they may tax our time, love, and energy more than our closest friends.
惠顿学院的教授艾米丽·兰根解释说，对于‘普通朋友’，我们可能不太愿意完全投入，但仍然珍惜彼此的联系。这些朋友与我们有共同的历史、环境或兴趣，带来欢笑、消息和见解。然而，他们可能比最亲密的朋友更耗费我们的时间、感情和精力。
Insights 中文解释：洞察力”、“洞悉”、“领悟”或“顿悟”。它指的是通过经验、观察或研究所获得的深刻理解和感知，能够为我们提供对某一主题或情况的宝贵知识和新鲜视角。 英文解释：Profound understanding or perceptions gained through experience, observation, or study. It offers valuable knowledge and fresh perspectives on a subject or situation. 例句：Regular discussions with my “medium friends” often provide valuable insights into different perspectives and cultural nuances. 与我的“普通朋友”进行定期讨论，往往能为我提供对不同观点和文化细微差别的宝贵见解。 同义词：comprehension, understanding, wisdom, perception, enlightenment
Energy 中文解释：“能量”、“活力”、“精力”或“精神”。在物理学中，它指的是物体做功的能力或物体运动时所具有的动能和势能之和。在日常生活中，它则常被用来形容人的精神状态、活动能力和生命力等。 英文解释：Vital force or strength that enables someone to be active or to perform physical or mental tasks. It refers to the capacity for sustained effort and exertion. 例句：Maintaining connections with “medium friends” can sometimes be draining, consuming more of my energy than spending time with my closest ones. 与“普通朋友”保持联系有时会让人感到疲惫，因为他们消耗了我比与最亲密的朋友相处时更多的精力。 同义词：vitality, stamina, vigor, dynamism, exertion
Medium friendships expose the fallacy of trying to please everyone. The undefined boundaries create an issue, as these relationships lack explicit understanding, even to ourselves. Reciprocity, the cornerstone of all friendships, relies on mutual sharing and trust. Medium friendships often suffer from unclear expectations, leading to “asymmetric expectations” as Claude Fischer, a Berkeley sociologist, noted, where one friend may value the other less or more.
普通朋友关系揭示了试图取悦所有人的谬误。这些关系中不明确的界限会带来问题，因为它们缺乏明确的理解，甚至连我们自己也可能不清楚。互惠是每段友谊的基石，依赖于在信任基础上的相互分享和关心。普通朋友关系中的紧张往往源于期望不明，这可能导致加州大学伯克利分校社会学家克劳德·费舍尔提到的‘不对称期望’：你可能没有对方那么喜欢他们，或者你比他们更喜欢他们。
Fallacy 中文解释：“谬误”错误的概念或信念，尤其是基于不合理推理或错误逻辑的错误判断或结论。 英文解释：A false or misleading notion or belief, often based on incorrect assumptions, inadequate evidence, or flawed reasoning. 例句：Trying to please everyone in friendships is a fallacy that often leads to disappointment and exhaustion.在友谊中试图取悦每个人是一个谬误，这往往会导致失望和疲惫。 同义词：misconception, illusion, delusion, fallacy of universal acceptance
Reciprocity 中文解释：“互惠性”，指通过给予和回报来交换事物，以达成双方受益的行为或原则。在友谊中，它指的是基于相互分享和支持而形成的牢固关系的基础。 英文解释：The principle or practice of giving, doing, or allowing something for someone in return for what they have given, done, or allowed. 例句：Reciprocity is the cornerstone of all healthy friendships, where trust and mutual support are built upon giving and receiving. 互惠是所有健康友谊的基石，信任和相互支持都建立在给予和接受的基础上。 同义词：mutuality, give-and-take, exchange, quid pro quo
Unclear Expectations 中文解释：“不明确的期望”指关系中各方对于期望缺乏清晰的理解或协议，导致模糊、误解和潜在的冲突。 英文解释：The absence of a clear understanding or agreement about what is expected from each party in a relationship, resulting in ambiguity and potential dissatisfaction. 例句：Medium friendships often suffer from unclear expectations, which can create asymmetric expectations and hinder the development of true intimacy. 普通朋友关系常常因为不明确的期望而受苦，这可能导致不对称的期望，并阻碍真正亲密关系的发展。 同义词：ambiguous expectations, vague anticipations, undefined hopes, lack of clarity in expectations
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